Texas Rationalized Killing Poor People With Water Saws By Using Creationism. The Establishment Clause Is Done.

Break in the case of a true believer.

"Not guilty, Your Honor. Yes, I ate my wife, but you can't imprison me for it. The Bible tells us in Genesis 2:7 that we were all made of clay of the earth. Since the statute refers to people that eat flesh, I can't be guilty of cannibalism."

Stupid, right? Regardless of your religious leanings, I think that we'd all agree that litigants shouldn't be able to rely on creationism to make legal arguments. Nothing prevents individuals from believing what they say, but for a state to seriously consider such arguments, they'd have to adopt a theological cosmology that the Establishment Clause wouldn't allow for. Such a defendant should, and rightly so, be stuck with the legal definitions and scientific discoveries that his peers, both religious and not, are bound by. Unfortunately, Texas didn't get the memo -- they're trying to argue that a federal law that would prevent their murder buoys doesn't apply because God flooded the Earth. Not making this up. From Slate:

Texas Republicans have no good argument to justify the state's construction of buoys separated by circular saw blades in the Rio Grande.

Quick break after that hell of a sentence -- you've gotta see this for yourself before you read any further:

Texas Governor Greg Abbott has put a 300-meter-long buoy barrier with saw blades in the Rio Grande.

At least two people have been found dead in the river since it was installed. pic.twitter.com/iKlorNolgG

-- AJ+ (@ajplus) August 14, 2023

This dangerous stunt is a clear violation of federal law, which grants the federal government--not Texas--control over the river. So GOP lawmakers and lawyers...fall back on the story of Noah's Ark to bolster their defense.

[T]hey take issue with the Justice Department's claim that the river is still legally "navigable," noting that at certain points it becomes unnavigable because of changing depths, currents, dams, or other factors. The DOJ's "theory" that a river is still "navigable" even when some parts become unnavigable, they declare, "would lead to absurd" outcomes because "most of Texas was once covered by seas."...also consider "the Book of Genesis," which, taken "literally," says "the entire world was once navigable by boats large enough to carry significant amounts of livestock." For support, the brief cites Genesis 7:17-20, which tells the story of Noah's Ark.

Even if the GOP wanted to use the Good Book to work around federal laws, I do not know which version of the Bible greenlights the use of these floating death traps. There probably is one -- there are more versions of the Good Book than The Empire Strikes Back reboots -- but they must have read a rendition retold by one of Jigsaw's Disciples, not Jesus's. And even if there were a part of the Bible where Jesus decided to deal death to the least of these instead of bread and fish... that's not how a state with a tradition of separating church and state is supposed to work.

What will be the limit for bible-thumping loopholes in law? Because I'm pretty sure even Texas wouldn't allow a very late-term abortion to fly because of Psalm 137:9. Will Texas declare polygamy legal after some defendant reads the parts of the gospel about Jacob, David, and King Solomon's marriages to the county judge?

In March, an Oklahoma lawmaker cited the Bible to justify beating disabled children. June brought us generalized religious convictions that overcame laws against discrimination toward protected classes and standing doctrine... which was promptly used to deny weddings. Now, a conversation about killing people with sneaked rotary saws in buoys is being sidestepped by a theological discussion about what counts as "navigable waters." As Christian Nationalism rises and politicians "kneel to God" instead of the rule of law:

I really don't like this direction Trump, MTG, etc. are going in when it comes to God and religion. It'll just make us look bad in the long run. https://t.co/v8gWZjOjCL

-- The Right-Wing War Elephant ? (@Teh_Elephant) July 25, 2022

Protections that we've taken for granted risk being eroded under the excuse of religious liberty. If we're already at death buoys, I'm not sure where we go from here.

Texas Republicans Cite Noah's Ark in Lawsuit Over State's Right to Wage War With Mexico [Slate.com]

Earlier: So Long, Establishment Clause. What Now?
Does The Establishment Clause Mean Nothing To You People? I Know It Doesn't To SCOTUS, But Come On
Yuge Fan Of Adultery And Greed Praises Christian Nationalism

Chris Williams became a social media manager and assistant editor for Above the Law in June 2021. Prior to joining the staff, he moonlighted as a minor Memelord(TM) in the Facebook group Law School Memes for Edgy T14s. He endured Missouri long enough to graduate from Washington University in St. Louis School of Law. He is a former boatbuilder who cannot swim, a published author on critical race theory, philosophy, and humor, and has a love for cycling that occasionally annoys his peers. You can reach him by email at cwilliams@abovethelaw.com and by tweet at @WritesForRent.