Law Mom And The Modern Family: Round 2

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Ed. note: This is the latest installment in a series of posts on motherhood in the legal profession, in partnership with our friends at MothersEsquire. Welcome Jamie Szal back to our pages. Click here if you'd like to donate to MothersEsquire.

The first time I was pregnant, I was incredibly anxious to tell my firm.

I was new to the firm. It was in a new state, for which I had uprooted my spouse and dog to move away from all of our family. I had also been dealing with infertility for years. At the time, I was undergoing treatment for a pituitary adenoma (a fancy way of saying a tumor) that was screwing with my hormones and was the root cause of my infertility. Long story short, I was starting to wonder whether I could even conceive in the first place. Imagine my surprise two months into my brand new job when I found out I was pregnant.

I was incredibly anxious to tell my firm.

To be frank -- I worried that I would lose my job.

I waited as long as possible to say anything. At 21 weeks, when I was showing and could no longer hide it with ponchos, I broke the news. Then I put my head back down and worked as hard as I could straight through marching out the door to the hospital while in labor, all in an effort to prove my worth to the firm so that when I took my parental leave I could rest assured I was coming back to a job that I very much wanted. This approach may have eased my anxiety, but on reflection it did a disservice to my team and my clients. I did not plan for a successful transition to and out of parental leave in a way that served my clients or my colleagues.

Looking back, two points jump out at me.

First, what a difference it would have made for me then if I had the assurance that in my firm becoming a parent was celebrated, that pregnant team members were welcomed, that the firm would support my transition to parental leave and welcome me back from it without experiencing the motherhood penalty so many of us face. Second, if I had a do-over, I would have been much more intentional about planning for parental leave so that I did not leave my colleagues or clients in the lurch.

On the first point, I cannot even begin to tell you the number of conversations I see frequently in law mom groups that I am part of that all share the same fear: mothers scared to tell employers they are pregnant. The conversations generated by these fears run the gamut. You can really tell the difference between mothers who have worked in very supportive environments and those who experienced the confirmation of their worst fears by being terminated or sidelined. Every time, I am left with this thought: What is it going to take to finally change the tune at firms, so that parents no longer need to fear if or when to raise the question of growing their family? How sad it is that firms do not realize the goodwill and employee loyalty they could generate by cultivating a culture that celebrates and supports families at every stage.

I now know that my job was never on the line because I was pregnant.

How do I know this?

I'm pregnant. By the time this article is published, I'll have just crossed over into my second trimester.

Driven mostly by my desire to be much more intentional about planning for my parental leave, I shared the news with my managing partner the day I had my first prenatal appointment. In the conversation that followed after breaking the news, I also shared why I made the decision to disclose the news so much earlier this time. I was frank, sharing the anxiety I had then and also sharing how great an impression it made on me at the time that my firm not just stuck with me but also allowed me to take maternity leave despite having been at the firm for less than the minimum time needed to qualify under FMLA.

"That's just not our culture," my managing partner responded. "It never would have happened."

I'm tearing up as I write this because this goes back to my first point. I wish I had known that six years ago.

In the time since I was previously pregnant, my firm has demonstrated its support for parents. The firm now offers 12 weeks fully paid parental leave that can be used at any point within the first 12 months after adding a new child to the family -- by birth, or surrogacy, or adoption. By either parent, regardless of gender, whether or not you are the one who physically gave birth. I'm proud to say the leave has been used (and supported) by both fathers and mothers in my firm.

I have six months to prepare for the leave I plan to take. I'm already working with my coach on it. This time, I have no concerns over the stability of my job or whether it will be there for me when I come back. I'm more concerned about making sure that I have a solid plan in place to either wrap up projects before my due date or to transition them to colleagues for while I am away, and making sure my clients know who will be serving them in the interim. The relief I feel in knowing I can focus on this preparation and not on proving my worth is immeasurable.

I'm a damn good tax attorney.

I will be one until I go out on leave, while I am out on leave, and when I return.

Wish me luck.

Jamie Szal assists businesses understand and strategically approach state and local tax compliance. Outside of work, Jamie is an active volunteer in her communities: serving on the Trinity College Board of Trustees and as a founding member of the college's Women's Leadership Council. She also is a member of the Board of MothersEsquire, involved with the Maine State Bar Association Women's Law Section, and President of the board of Community Dental of Maine. She co-authored best-sellers "#Networked" and "Women in Law" about the power of women supporting women. Jamie enjoys chocolate, singing, and exploring Maine with her family.