How to Protect Your Teen From the Harmful Effects of Social Media

A new advisory from the U.S. Surgeon General called "Social Media and Youth Mental Health" outlines how social media changes teens' brains and impairs their social skills. These scary findings may send you into a panic, wondering if you should uninstall the internet from your home. While you know banning social media isn't likely to keep your child off it, and may actually make them want to be online more, you still want to help mitigate these negative effects. Experts on media and youth and mental health weigh in on how best to navigate these tricky waters.

What is the report actually saying?

The title makes it seem like all social media is evil, but don't panic yet. "When parents and caregivers see the scary headlines that result from reports like this, it's easy to jump to conclusions that social media is automatically really bad for kids," says developmental psychologist Tia Kim, vice president of education, research, and impact at Committee for Children, a global nonprofit supporting the social-emotional well-being of over 26.9 million children every year. However, that's not what the advisory is reporting.

"It's saying that although there is good evidence or 'trends' that social media can potentially be harmful," Kim says, "researchers still need to learn a lot more."

You may have heard of these trends or challenges, some of which can cause serious harm to kids. The report also shows an association with high frequency social media use and negative mental health.

"Youth who checked their social media platforms more often were more likely to be sensitive to general social rewards and punishments," says Stephanie Marcello, chief psychologist at Rutgers University Behavioral Health Care. "Essentially, they saw changes in the brain being more sensitive to social feedback. This continues to have an impact on how the brain develops into adulthood." (She cites a study which found these associations.)

How social media changes kids' brains

Children's brains are constantly and quickly developing. During puberty, Marcello says, "the brain undergoes dramatic developmental changes," which include "brain regions associated with a desire for attention from peers become increasingly sensitive." She says this desire for attention is exactly what social media use can exploit. Paired with underdeveloped self-control, it "all points to how vulnerable the adolescent brain is."

Kim explains how these brain changes translate into life-long ways of interacting with the world.

"Both positive and negative experiences help shape parts of teens' brains as well as teens' well-being," she says. Since kids feel both virtual and real-life experiences as equally important, their social skills can be severely impacted by social media misuse. "One of the biggest ways social media might negatively impact children's social-emotional skills is by inhibiting their real-life social skills," says Kim, which translates to "distorted perceptions of the real world."

Marcello says the virtual social experiences of kids affect social skills because, since they aren't actually happening in real time, "kids are essentially stripped from learning and practicing all of these skills," such as nonverbal social cues. All of this leads to overwhelm, and Marcello says, it increases the chance of anxiety in social and future-workplace relationships.

What should parents do?

Banning social media isn't likely to help since kids will have access to their friends' media use and will perhaps find ways to sneak or hide social media usage. While you can't look over your kid's shoulder all the time, Marcello says, "Caregivers and parents need to closely monitor their children's social media feed during early adolescence especially, roughly ages 10-14" and "should be on the lookout to try to minimize or stop dangerous content their child is exposed to," such as topics relating to racism and suicide or which promote bullying. Try to foster a home environment where your child can talk to you about what they see online and whether or not it's inappropriate.

Kim says to include children in the decision-making process about setting screen-time limits. "For example, you can ask your teen how they perceive their relationship with social media and then ask them what solutions they would like to implement to keep their relationship with social media positive," she says. By making them active participants in setting boundaries, Kim says limits will feel less like punishment.

Marcello also says it's important to model good social media use and limit your time on your phone, especially around your kids. You can also use your own social media to start conversations about the difference between real life and the cyberverse.

"When our family acquaintances post images or stories that may not be totally realistic," Kim says, it opens the door to have these conversations because they can compare what they know about the person's life to what they choose to show.

Help encourage your child to have positive social interactions in the real world. Marcello suggests paying special attention to finding "things outside of technology that they are interested in," such as sports, music, and "anything that sparks their interest and gives them confidence." She says the emphasis should be on not how they look but what they do. It's also important to integrate skills at home that will set kids up to make good decisions online.

"The easiest way parents can help mitigate these possible harmful effects on teens is by doubling down on teaching children skills like self-awareness to understand how they show up on social media should reflect their values, self-discipline to set healthy limits around social media consumption, and responsible decision-making to be a good digital citizen and report things like cyberbullying," Kim says.

Not only will these skills help with social media, but also in real life interactions as well.