First Rule Of Re-Filing: Don't Submit It 3 Months After The Date You Request

Experience is the best teacher. That said, once you already got dinged for "turn[ing] in the poorest performance by an attorney that the undersigned has seen during his 12-plus years on the bench," it is kind of inevitable that you're going to mess up again.

Like when Calvita Fredrick made a different judge -- because the one quoted above retired, after all -- display a great deal of judicial restraint by holding back all of the not-so-nice words they had for a lawyer who, among other things, filed a lawsuit against the wrong party. Good news for us, Fredrick is back with another series of legal mishaps in two cases, Outley v. The City of Chicago and Porch v. University of Illinois at Chicago.

The most notable thing about Outley is that Ms. Fredrick causing a mistrial isn't even the most interesting part of it. She accused the court of conspiring with opposing counsel to excuse her evidence and dismiss the case. Her proof? The judge didn't rule in her favor. That's the short and long of it. I know we've all hit the point in a dispute where we've thought no reasonable person could disagree, but it takes a Herculean level of confidence to stake your reputation on an accusation that a judge is per se impartial because they didn't agree with you. Well, whatever remains of your reputation. She is already two benchslaps deep at this point... and her client fired her to boot.

For these reasons, the Court construes Plaintiff's motion under Rule 60(b) and denies the motion. It should be noted that this may seem like an unsatisfying end to the litigation for Mr. Outley, particularly when he has now fired the attorney whose actions are at issue here. (See Dkt. 356.) But it is a principle of our system that a "lawyer's errors are attributed to the client ... Were the principal not responsible for his agent's efforts, litigation would be even more chaotic than it is." Sheikh v. Grant Reg'l Health Ctr., 769 F.3d 549, 552 (7th Cir. 2014). Just as it is Plaintiff's choice Case: 1:17-cv-08633 Document #: 362 Filed: 05/19/23 Page 5 of 6 PageID #:8553 6 whether to retain or release counsel, it is now up to him to consider whether he has remedies available apart from this litigation

The second, Porch v. University of Illinois, was covered earlier. That opinion reads like a mash-up of legal writing professors dunking on their least favorite students. Each sentence is rich with a calm and collected disappointment that will make you feel better about whatever rush job you just turned in.

Where we last left off, the Court kindly offered Fredrick the opportunity to re-file the motion within a week. Well, she eventually did. First, she requested an extension and was granted it. Then she refiled it. Three months AFTER the date she requested.

I know that there are some changes to the bar exam going underway. Maybe there should be a section on tone and punctuality? Whatever it tests, something needs to be changed. The fact that lawyers were able to pass the prior one and then run free with nonsense like this attests to that.

Earlier: Former District Judge Leaves An Attorney A Scathing Review As His Swan Song
Federal Judge Rebukes Lawyer Over The Tone Of Brief Filed With 'Potshots And Hyperbole'

Chris Williams became a social media manager and assistant editor for Above the Law in June 2021. Prior to joining the staff, he moonlighted as a minor Memelord(TM) in the Facebook group Law School Memes for Edgy T14s. He endured Missouri long enough to graduate from Washington University in St. Louis School of Law. He is a former boatbuilder who cannot swim, a published author on critical race theory, philosophy, and humor, and has a love for cycling that occasionally annoys his peers. You can reach him by email at cwilliams@abovethelaw.com and by tweet at @WritesForRent.